Thyroid Cancer

This year has been one crazy ride. It all started November 2016. I started to notice that I was really tiered all the time, but I blamed it on being on my feet all day. I was an emotional mess and was blaming that on my stressful job, the holidays, and my dad losing his job. This was not like me at all and it got to a point where my husband of 5 years told me that I needed to stop crying and being over emotional all the time (if you knew my husband he meant that in the nicest way). I even started calling my boss and crying to him for no reason as embarrassing as that sounds.

Fast forward to January with another crazy week, my husband’s birthday, my boss being in town, and my current emotional mess situation. I was doing my cousins hair who is a nurse. As I was talking to her she pointed out a lump on my neck that I had never noticed. I was completely unaware of it. I looked in the mirror and was blown away that I basically had the equivalent of an “Adams Apple” on the lower right side of my neck. I finished her hair and went downstairs to consult google on the new mysterious lump! Where else would you go?! As I looked up “Hypothyroidism,” the emotional mess that I was for the last few months all the sudden made so much sense (emotional, dry hair, dry skin, and tiered all of the time).

I scheduled an appointment to see a doctor. He took me into the room and confirmed what my cousin initially thought. It was a 3.5cm nodule covering basically the whole right side of my thyroid. Because of the abnormal size they naturally wanted to do a biopsy on the growth to determine what the growth was and if it was the “C” word. They also did blood work which came back normal…thank goodness. I called my husband after my doctors visit in tears telling him that I could have cancer (of course jumping to the most extreme conclusion), that I was going to have a scar, be on meds for the rest of my life and just over reacting like my normal emotional self as of late. Looking back however I definitely way over did it. He of course said he would be there for me every step of the way.

I found an ENT doctor to do the biopsy and made an appointment with him for his soonest possible date in 2 weeks. We were of course very nervous of what my biopsy diagnosis would uncover.  We definitely prayed a lot more than usual those 2 weeks, especially during my breakdowns! I kept telling Jed that “I think its cancer,” and he said that it was probably just a growth and to try not worry about it. I was 23 at this time and was working out 6 days a week, eating healthy and had no reason to think that I could have cancer. Jed suggested that I started eating a stricter diet to help try and starve the growth so that it would shrink, so I went on a Paleo diet.

The day finally came to get the results of the biopsy back. After talking to multiple family and friends about our situation, we decided that if it was cancer we were just going to have the growth removed, but if it wasn’t we were going to try and “eat it away” naturally through a strict healthy diet. As we sat in the room, the doctor came in to deliver the news…”the biopsy was inconclusive,” he said. My heart dropped! I was confused and really angry!!!! I was hoping for a more definitive answer that would let me know exactly what I needed to do, but instead got a very vague answer that just left me with more questions. I guess it was now up to me and God to figure out what we needed to do from here.

Temple night

That day I did a lot of studying and praying. I was angry because I wanted an easy answer so we could get it done and be over it. During this time, I got in touch with Bree. We swapped stories and she told me about her experience with thyroid cancer. She gave me a lot of great advice, and that if there was a chance it is cancer to just get it removed. What stuck out the most however was that whatever decision I decided to make, it needed to be between myself, Jed, and God.

I had this feeling that I needed to go to the temple. I suggested the idea to my husband (even though we hadn’t been in a while). It was like pulling teeth, but we planned a day and went to do temple sealings (simple and easy). As we got to the temple everything was going wrong. Jed forgot his shirt, I forgot my dress, we were running a little late, and it was a hot mess! After we finished up our session we headed into the Celestial Room to hopefully get some answers. As I sat there and thought about what to do I didn’t get a YES GET IT REMOVED or a NO like I was expecting, but it definitely felt good just to be in there.

I think the most frustrating thing to point out is that the holy ghost doesn’t yell answers to you, or write a big “YES” on your forehead. I feel like I never got a definite YES or NO, but I just started thinking that I would go with the flow and as long as nothing stopped me that I would keep going with what the doctors thought I should do. If I didn’t have any clients scheduled on my books the day I was scheduled for surgery, I would go ahead and just get it done.

As the days went by, everything that pushed me towards the surgery kept working out, so I went with it. Was I mad that nothing was stopping me?! Absolutely! I didn’t want to get surgery, have a scar, be on meds the rest of my life, and DEFINITELY didn’t want it to be cancer.

The day before my surgery I kept myself very busy trying to find any reason not to have my surgery. I was blow drying my last guest extra slow, cleaning up the salon, and thinking maybe I would eat later than I was told by the doctor so that I would have to reschedule, not setting my alarm for the surgery in the morning (anything to avoid going through with it).

The morning of the surgery I woke up scared as ever! I didn’t get out of bed until the last moment. Before we left I was terrified as I sat on the end of our bed. I asked my husband for a blessing of comfort. As soon as he started the blessing, an instant peace came over me...it was the weirdest thing. I felt calm, cool, collected, and I was ready to do this thing. That experience was one of the main times that I knew the gospel had to be true.

My growth! It was the size of a golf ball.

We walked into the prep room at the hospital and surprisingly it was the calmest I had been in over the 3 months. They gave me the IV and right before I went into surgery we said a quick prayer and I knew that everyone would be praying for me.

I got out of surgery and made a great recovery, but there was still the elephant in the room...whether or not the growth I got removed was cancerous or not. Until then, I just went back to my normal everyday life routine. I got back into my workout classes and I must say it felt so good to be back to normal. In the back of my mind I was thinking, “there is no way I could have cancer.”

Two weeks later and it was time to hear the results from the surgery. We went back to the doctor’s office for our morning appointment feeling positive about everything. Then everything went downhill when the doctor came in and told me that I had cancer. I started to cry... because SHIT just got real! Everyone I had talked, doctors, family members, co-workers, and anyone I had mentioned it to said there is no way it would be cancerous. Yet here I was.... I had cancer...

We talked about treatment and removing the other part of my thyroid. We also discussed radiation and how long I would need to take off work. We talked about when we could start a family, if we could start a family, and if it would take us a while to have kids. We talked about what life would be like post thyroid cancer. If we could still travel the world and (one of my biggest fears) if I would gain weight.

The doctor left my husband and I alone for a bit to process the information and we just held each other. He told me it would be alright, that he would love me through all of this, and that this wasn’t going to change our relationship with each other or with God. Afterwards I started calling people slowly and one of my close aunts asked if I needed a blessing.

My cousin and my husband gave me a blessing later that day. As they gave me a blessing the room went dark because of the clouds, almost as if God was saying “pay attention Kenz.”  They gave me a blessing of comfort and that I would be able to be healed over the next couple months.

All day I cried and kept asking myself “why did this happen” and what I needed to learn from this experience. Even as I am writing this it has hit me. I needed to learn how to listen to the holy ghost and the still small voice. Sometimes God doesn’t answer you in shocking moments that you hear about from other people’s stories. I you allow yourself to listen the holy ghost it can be the best comforter and can bring peace into any situation if you have the mindset that he can help.

I also learned to trust the priesthood, and know that God does work through the priesthood. I’ve found that it’s not going to cure cancer, or make you feel happy and cheery right after a blessing, but it can help you feel peace in the following days, and that it can almost stay with you. Those thoughts can stay with you when you need it.

i got a call later that night. I recognized the number and knew that it would be my doctor and he would be scheduling my appointment for the next surgery. I grabbed a note pad and sat down next to my husband ready to hear the days that we needed to set up. My doctor’s PA was on the phone and said that she had good news.

At this point I was drained and thought what could be such great news. She then proceeded to tell me that she hadn’t given me all the information because she was unaware of it at the time of our appointment this morning. She told me that, Yes, I had cancer but it was a new classification of cancer cells that don’t attack or invade other cells. They were basically encapsulated within the growth and had not spread anywhere else, so when they removed the right lobe of my thyroid, the cancer was fully removed with it and there would be no further surgery or treatment required.

I’ll be real…. I was pissed! I had wasted my day off in an emotional unstable condition and because they told me the wrong diagnosis. I was also so happy and relieved at the same time. This was amazing! This meant that I wouldn’t need to have another surgery and that I could pretty much live my life normal... it was amazing! Jed and I talked the rest of the night about how lucky I was. We joked that night about how and I had been diagnosed with cancer and then beat it all in one day. That night as we laid in bed we held each other and prayed and thanked god that I was ok. We also thanked him for all the family and friends who had supported me during this crazy time of my life. I thanked God for my husband and how he had supported my decision and was going to be there no matter what. I thanked God for being sealed to an amazing husband and that there is a life after this where we can be with our families again. As I pray tonight I realize that there is so much more that I need to pray about. I have learned so much and there is so much more that I need to learn with the gospel.