N Is For Nielsen: Mom

Its been 8 years since my mom passed away. Its funny every year when spring comes around I always think. "Wow it has been way to many years and to think that its just going to get higher in the number of years that I wouldn't know her." It has defiantly gotten easier to deal with over the years. During the first couple of years there were nights where my brother or sister or I would just come in each others rooms and talk about how much we miss her and how much easier our life would be if she didn't pass away, and I'm not going to lie, some nights we would just lay awake crying, wondering why we were chosen to lose our mom at 12 and 9 years old.

When I was younger I would pray that I could just see her one more time. I would write in my journal that I would give up everything I had to see her one more time or have her back, and to this day I feel the same way. Its hard for me to think that Jed will never get to meet her, and to think that my kids will never know there grandma Lisa.

Every Year when May 25th rolls around I always promise myself that I will just treat it like another day, that I won't cry, and that I'll just remember all the good times that we had. When I think of her the first thing that I remember is how fun she was. All of the trips that we went on and how she wanted to make our life's the best it could be. How she would always tell me that she loved me and how I was her Suzie. Jed has started calling me his "Kenzie-sue, Suzie-Q, and even Suzie." I Thought for sure that it would bother me because those were "my moms names" and no one else has called me those, but I actually love it. It reminds me of my mom in a good way. It makes me think that they would have liked each other and gotten along.

I Think that the thing that helped me get threw my moms death was knowing that I would be able to see her again, that families could be together forever. I missed her so much that I promised I would do everything in my power to see her again. Making sure that I got sealed to my husband so that my husband and I could be sealed to our family. I'm so glad that when I went threw this experience I became closer to God. Knowing that he knew I needed to go threw this to become the person I am today.

Losing my mom at 12 was really hard. When she first was in the hospital and I knew she was going to pass away I started thinking that since I was the oldest I needed to step up and be the mom. Make lunches, waking up my brother and sister in the morning, making dinner, and all the stuff that my mom had been doing for us for years. I was ready to step up and be "the mom of the family" but I think it was my aunt Julie that told me that I didn't need to be the mom and that I needed to be the kid. I'm SO glad that she told me that!! It took so much pressure off of me. But it didn't mean that we still didn't grow up fast. With my dad being our only parent working 40 hours at a bank and a couple hours on the weekend as a D.J. He did the best he could to be both parents. Looking back at it now I know all of us kids really appreciate what my dad did to make our life's better. He even Quit a job because his boss wasn't very understanding when he had to leave work early to pick us up or if we had a sick day.

My dad really stepped it up after my mom passed away. when I would be working 40 hours a week I would come home from work and not want to make dinner for Jed and I. But I remember almost every night after my dad had come from work he would make dinner for us. I'm SO grateful that he did all of that for us. Thank You dad for taking time to help us threw that hard part and trying to make life as normal as it was before mom died.

All in all on this day I try to remember the good things about her. All the times we went to Las Vegas, or Bear Lake. All the times we would skip school to go skiing, the times when she would take us out of school to go to lunch. It makes me happy that I got to spend at least 12 years with my mom. To be Honest I didn't think that I had learned anything from my mom. But as I have gotten older I will do something and think " oh my mom taught me how to do this. or taught me some kids like to be held like that." Just the little things that I remember from her makes me smile. I might not have my Mom Physically with me all the time. But its nice to have little memories or certain things that remind me of her.

One quick thing that is funny to me that I remember my Mom doing that I catch my self doing is When ever Jed is mad I will try to make him feel like he might be over reactingand just tease him for being so mad at something so little. I remember my mom doing this to my dad when we would be driving and my dad would be mad.

I Love You Mom!Yes this day Isn't my favorite but hopefully over the years it will be easier to deal with. Just to know that she is watching over me makes me Happy. I always have an Angel with me!